Are You Settling for Crumbs?
Image: Annie Spratt
Earlier this week, I had coffee with a friend of mine. This friend is warm, funny and a great conversationalist. He has a cool job, dresses well and has cheekbones for days.
So I was a little surprised when he revealed that he’s not having much success dating.
After asking him some questions about what was and wasn’t working, we got to the core of the issue: spending a lot of time on the dating apps is crushing his confidence and leading him to date from a scarcity mindset.
He often finds himself hoping for crumbs instead of delighting in all the delicious pastries that exist in the world.
Approaching dating from a place of fear and lack is a big part of what keeps many people anxious and stuck.
When you get on the dating apps feeling skeptical, defeated or unworthy of love, you tend to attract people who aren’t bought in or able to fully love and cherish you.
When you head out on a date feeling desperate to be chosen, your date can feel that energy. And insecurity is not an sexy vibe.
I’m not saying you have to have your shit 100% together and be beyond insecurity before you start dating.
We’re all human. We all experience insecurity and self-doubt.
But one of the best ways to enjoy dating more and call in partners who are a great fit for you, is to connect to your own worthiness.
To tune into your own unique beauty.
To remember how freaking smart and sexy you are.
To give yourself credit for all the amazing things you do every day.
If you’re feeling disconnected from your amazingness, here are 3 things you can do before writing a dating profile, jumping on the apps or going on a first date:
1) Admire your own beauty: Indulge in some self-care (take a long bath, get your nails done or your hair did). Put on an outfit that makes you feel like your hottest/most beautiful/most powerful self and spend 5 minutes admiring your fine-ass self in the mirror.
2) Make an amazingness list: Set a timer for 10 minutes and write down every single thing you can think of that’s amazing about you. From your big heart to your juicy butt to your ability to do the NYT crossword in under 10 minutes. No detail is too small. For extra credit: post your list somewhere you’ll see it on a regular basis.
3) Create a mantra: Come up with a short affirmation that makes you feel confident and repeat it to yourself before you get online or go on a date.
My mantra is: I am a juicy peach. 🍑
Before a first date, I sometimes get nervous about being in a body that doesn’t fit into conventional beauty standards. I repeat this to myself as I’m about to meet my date and immediately feel much more loving of my curvy body.
The idea is to get yourself connected to your own badassness and worth so you can radiate that energy into your dating profile, your online interactions and your dates.
