One of My Biggest Dating Fails & How It Helped Me Grow Self-Trust

Way back in the day, years before I met my partner and got married, I’d started chatting online with a man who who was witty, attentive, handsome and funny.

He was into me too, so we made plans to meet up.

When I showed up for the date and saw him for the first time, I experienced a resounding, full-body “Nope.” 

His whole energy felt wrong to me. I didn’t like how he was dressed or how he interacted with me.

But instead of politely having a coffee and then telling him I didn’t feel any sparks and going on my way, I convinced myself to stay for the whole (lengthy) date. And to see him again. And again.

That man eventually became my boyfriend. 

We moved in together. We had a  turbulent, roller-coaster of a relationship in which I rarely felt emotionally regulated. 

We fought and made up. Broke up and got back together. Moved in together. Moved out. Moved in again. It was not pretty. And it decimated my self-esteem. 

I left that relationship feeling like I was emotionally and sexually “broken” and that there was little hope of me finding a loving, fulfilling relationship. 

Largely because I didn’t trust myself enough to listen to that initial “NO” I felt in my body when we first met. 

I have a lot of compassion for that version of me. 

I was still drinking the patriarchal, cis-het narrative about how women should look (thin, aggressively fit) and show up in relationships (be sexy, don’t rock the boat and, above all, find a husband!!!). 

Baby me had so much growing to do.

I’m sharing this story because for me, it exemplifies how very important self-trust is in dating successfully and growing relationships that are safe, healthy and fulfilling.

Self-trust is your bedrock for dating, relating and just generally thriving in the world. 

So I made you a podcast episode all about why self-trust is so important for creating the kind of love you're looking for. 

How it helps you pass on people, relationships and situations that are not in alignment with you. And call in one's that are. 

And I share some simple techniques you can use to grow your own self-trust. Starting today.

Click here to listen. (Or search “Lionesse” wherever you listen to podcasts.)

XO!❤️

Olaiya