A Simple Tip for Feeling More Pleasure in Your Body
One of the main things I get asked is how to have better partnered sex.
This is of course a multi-layered topic and there are LOTS of things you can do to improve the sex you’re having with your partner(s).
But one of the most impactful things you can do is to practice non-sexual touch.
I know this is counter-intuitive, but it’s so, so, so impactful for growing your ability to feel pleasure in your body—which is the foundation of amazing partnered sex!
Added bonus: you can do this whether you are currently partnered or not.
Great sex is about body and mind coming together to create ecstatic pleasure.
When you practice pleasurable, non-sexual self touch, you teach your brain and body to work together. You’re neurologically rewiring yourself to be more sensitive to touch and pleasure. Pretty cool, huh?
Want to give it a try? Here’s a simple way to start:
Set aside 10-30 minutes of undisturbed time. Get your family out of the house, lock the door, do whatever you need to do to get some quality alone time.
Create a sensual space. Light your favorite candle, put on a sexy playlist, wrap yourself in soft blankets. Do whatever makes you feel safe, relaxed and in tune with your senses.
Then take your time touching your body in ways that feel pleasurable. Run your fingernails over your scalp. Stroke your face. Massage your sore muscles. Experiment with firm and soft touch. Use a feather or a silk scarf it that sounds inviting.
Really pay attention to what each kind of touch feels like and allow your self to do whatever creates the most pleasure in your body.
If you get turned on and want to add sexual touch—go for it! But don’t set that as your goal. (This part is really important. We want a zero-pressure environment.)
The goal is simply to create space for you to explore and discover what sort of touch you enjoy.
With time, you’ll notice that you’re able to attune to your pleasure more easily, both during this practice, in your daily life and during partnered sex.
If it feels good to you, you can also ask your partner(s) to incorporate the kinds of touch you enjoy into sex.
The key to this practice is consistency—rewiring your nervous system takes time! So aim to do this practice at least once a week, and more often if possible. More short sessions are better than one long session. But I know most people’s lives are busy, so know that doing this even once a week will gradually shift your ability to feel pleasure.
